【妻・彼女のトリセツ①女性脳と男性脳】脳科学者が教える「理不尽な女性」との上手な付き合い方とは？

【妻・彼女のトリセツ①女性脳と男性脳】脳科学者が教える「理不尽な女性」との上手な付き合い方とは？

Hi everyone, Atsuhiko Nakata here. Today, we’re diving into the topic of "How to Understand Your Wife or Girlfriend". We’ll be exploring the differences between male and female brains to gain a better understanding of the female mind. This video is not just for men, though. Women can also learn why men sometimes seem clueless and understand that their partners might not be intentionally insensitive. For those of you who are single, this video can be a helpful guide for when you do find a partner. If you’re already in a relationship, whether you’re thinking about marriage or already married, it’s never too late to improve your relationship. So, this video is for everyone, regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation. We’ll be discussing the male and female brain, and while it’s a broad topic, we’ll focus on common relationship issues and how to solve them. Of course, I’m generalizing a bit here. There’s more to gender than just male and female, and some of you might be thinking, "I’m a man, but this male brain stuff doesn’t really resonate with me," or "I’m a woman, but this female brain talk isn’t quite hitting the mark. Am I different?" That’s totally valid. But for this discussion, we’re going to focus on the broad categories of male and female, and look at some common relationship issues and how to solve them, rather than diving into the complexities of gender identity. Our reference today is this book, "How to Understand Your Wife". It’s a wake-up call for husbands everywhere, and it’s quite interesting. Honestly, I needed this book more than anyone. You might be thinking, "What’s he complaining about? He has a great wife." And you’re right, I have three kids. I’m not struggling to find a girlfriend. But even after 12 years of marriage and three kids, I still find myself thinking, "I don’t understand women. I have no idea what they’re thinking." This made me realize that there’s a deep divide between men and women, regardless of relationship status or whether they have kids. After studying this topic, I feel like I’ve found some really useful insights. I’m confident that this information can dramatically improve relationships. But even with the best intentions, conflicts are inevitable. So guys, let me ask you, don’t you find women to be unreasonable sometimes? That’s what we’re talking about today, the unreasonable female mind. For us, it’s totally unfair. First off, she’s always in a bad mood. We have no clue what’s ticking her off. But woman, she’s just grumpy. So, to try and fix things, I’ll ask, "What’s got you so upset?" And you know what she says? "You can’t even figure that out?" Talk about adding fuel to the fire! It’s like, "Are we camping or something?" with a full-blown bonfire raging. I’m like, "Hey, I just tried to put out the flames, and you’re throwing more wood on it?" That’s the kind of reaction we get. OK, so on top of that, right, when the whole thing blew up, BAM! Suddenly it’s like, "Remember that time? And that time?" skeletons start tumbling out of the closet. They keep bringing up old stuff. It’s like, "Hold on a second, we’re talking about a different case here, aren’t we?" This has nothing to do with the current trial, right? This kind of thing always happens. "You did it that time, and that time, and that time too. And that time, and that time, and that time!" Hang on a minute. You mentioned a couple of similar incidents earlier, but from the third one onwards, it’s a completely different story. The timing’s different, the charges are different. Why is everything being questioned now? This kind of thing happens, right? It’s totally unfair. That’s the woman we’re dealing with. We want to resolve this. We’re not throwing in the towel yet. But we don’t understand. What’s going on? And it’s exhausting. But you know what? This isn’t your problem, or my problem. It turns out this was everyone’s problem. This is a common thing, you know? So, what do we need to solve here? What’s the clue, the key? That’s what was on my mind. The female brain versus the male brain. According to this author, the female brain has a stronger connection between the right and left hemispheres. The right brain governs images, visuals, and the like, while the left brain governs language and logic. The right brain is often associated with artistic talent, while the left brain is associated with logical talent. Women are said to have a stronger connection between the two, while men have a weaker connection. This might make you think that the male brain is kind of crappy, but it’s just a matter of different types. There are advantages to having a weaker connection. It’s a difference, that’s all. Let me explain the male brain. In a nutshell, we’re long-range attack-type hunters. We’re good at setting our sights on a distant goal and going after it. We’re hunters, right? We grew up reading Hunter x Hunter. We’d be happy to be called hunters. It makes sense, doesn’t it? We’ve been chasing our dreams, haven’t we? In manga, it’s all about effort, friendship, and victory. And what are effort and friendship for? Victory, of course. Boys work hard to achieve that one goal, and by winning, they become men. That’s the worldview, right? We’re hunters. We’re good at setting goals and solving problems. So at work, we’re good at identifying problems, setting goals, and figuring out how to achieve them. We’re good at saying, "We’re going to hit this sales target, let’s go!" And we’re good at presentations. We start with the conclusion: "This plan will succeed because of these three points." We use logic to back up our conclusions. And to achieve our goals, we have to fight. We have to fight rivals, competitors, others. Even to win the love of a woman, we have to face rivals. "Hey, you think you can just go after her?" That’s how it starts, right? Bam, bam. Sometimes, as boys, it starts with violence. When we were younger, it was about physical strength. We wanted to be the fastest runner to impress the girls. Then in middle school, the bad boys started getting popular. Violence. Then in high school and college, it was the smart guys. Academic ability. Physical strength, violence, academic ability. And then comes financial power. "Whoa," right? It’s not enough to just be smart. "Are you making money? How much do you make? What’s your net worth?" And at the end of life, it’s all about health. But the point is, it’s all about battles. And what gets in the way of battles? Fear and anxiety. "I don’t want to get in the ring," we say. "No way, no way." But then we’re told we can’t fight. "Shinji, get in the Evangelion!" "No, I can’t do it." "Then go home." "Why? Don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away." That’s right, by overcoming fear and anxiety, boys become men. That’s the worldview we’re instilled with, that fear and anxiety shouldn’t even exist. And the weak connection between the right and left brain makes us very insensitive. Not insensitive, but not sensitive. Being sensitive is good, but sensitive skin or sensory overload means you’re vulnerable to pain and stimuli. So being insensitive can be a good thing. In other words, when women say men are insensitive or inconsiderate, it’s actually the flip side of being strong against fear and anxiety. That’s the male brain, perfectly suited for being a hunter. So what about women? In short, they’re close-range defense-type mothers. They have an eye for detail within a few meters. This is because they have a strong sense of responsibility to ensure the safety of their children. Their biggest weapons are empathy and attentiveness. "I understand how you feel." "It’s okay." They offer support and ask, "Are you cold?" "Are you hot?" It’s like they have to keep a watchful eye on their vulnerable babies, noticing any slight change. "Are you catching a cold?" "Are you feeling down?" "Did something happen at school?" It’s usually the mother who notices these things. Mothers notice everything. And they have "women’s intuition." "Hey, isn’t my husband acting strange lately? Is he Okay?" You know, this is where women’s intuition, their sixth sense, comes into play. Within a few meters radius, they have this almost supernatural ability to read the room and pick up on the smallest details. That’s why they get mad, right? "How could you not notice I got a haircut?" Men, on the other hand, are focused on the big picture, miles away, years down the line. We hardly pay attention to what’s right in front of us. So if you ask, "Did you get a haircut today?" you’ll probably hear, "Two weeks ago." "Oh, okay, then your nails are different…" "Nope, same nails, different shoes." We just keep failing the quiz, man. We’re the guys who can’t even get a two-choice question right. But women, they’re so sensitive to these things. They think, "You should notice this, too!" But most men don’t. Sure, there are some guys who do, but they’re the exception, not the rule. So, how do you approach this? Men are all about logic, right? We think in terms of presentations and conclusions. But for women, it’s all about emotion. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about happy or unhappy, like or dislike. You know that phrase, "I just don’t like him/her"? If a woman feels that way, it’s over. There’s no way around it. Men, we’re all about the hierarchy, the chain of command. We’ll do whatever it takes to secure our place in the pack, even if it means killing our emotions. We’re soldiers, focused on the mission. But women will say, "Don’t you hate this? Why don’t you just cancel the work party and pay attention to me?" And then comes the ultimate question: "What’s more important, your works or me?" That’s the two-choice question we face most often in life. They say no man in history has ever given the best answer to this question. Well, not that there isn’t one… but today, that answer will be revealed. You thought there wasn’t one, right? I thought so too. But this time, we’re gonna uncover it. See, it’s all about emotions. Women are like, "Why are you putting up with that and choosing work?" or "Why are you doing that?", and we guys just don’t get it. Plus, from a guy’s perspective, when a woman is always scared or worried about something, we think, "Hmm, she’s not very mentally stable, is she?" That can make us feel insecure, like, "Is my partner not mentally stable?" But the truth is, most women aren’t mentally stable. It’s the opposite of us guys. Men are built to be insensitive, women are built to be sensitive. That’s why they notice the smallest details and have a high antenna for sensing the mood. But the trade-off for that high antenna is that they’re weak to fear and anxiety. How weak, you ask? They feel fear 4 times more intensely than men. Four times? That’s insane! Even 1.5 times more is plenty, you know? If someone told me it’s 4 times the size of a medium fry, I’d be like, "Nope, can’t finish that." It’s like, "Hmm, I think I’ll get a large fry. How big is it?" "It’s 4 times the size of a medium." "Then I’ll pass." It’s just way too much. It’s not even a comparison. We’re dealing with someone who feels anxiety 4 times more than us, so we gotta take care of their worries and anxieties. We’re insensitive, remember? So, men tend to be obsessed with victory and achievement, while women are focused on being protected and surviving. That’s the difference between men and women. So, it’s like we have different strengths and weaknesses, right? And neither is better or worse. This is important, but what’s more important is what women want as a result of these strengths and weaknesses. This is where men mess up. What makes a man happy doesn’t necessarily make a woman happy. Raise your hand if you’ve ever failed at giving a gift. Yep, that’s all of us. Thanks. Even now, I’ve never been successful at giving a gift. They say no man in history has ever given a gift that a woman was truly happy with. Well, not that there isn’t one… but in my experience, it’s that difficult. It’s too difficult! It’s harder than Fermat’s Last Theorem. That’s how I feel. Yeah, that seems easier. It’s that hard. But if we can figure out, or even get close to figuring out, the 3 biggest desires of the female brain, we can say we’ve made progress. I’ve condensed what I’ve found in this book into three key points. The 3 biggest desires of the female brain are… and number one, the absolute must-do, is something we touched on earlier. That’s right, empathy. It’s the "Yes, exactly, I understand, I get how you feel" kind of thing. Now, guys, you think you only need to empathize when you truly feel it, right? Wrong. See, when a woman talks, it’s basically a call for total affirmation. It’s like Total Concentration Breathing, but for affirmation. It’s the only way to free a woman from turning into a demon. We need Nezuko to turn back from a demon! And the only way to do that is with Total Concentration Affirmation Breathing. We’re like, "Why did Nezuko, who was so kind, turn into a demon? She used to be so cute." Your partner turning into a demon in an instant happens when you forget about Total Concentration Affirmation Breathing. It’s terrifying. What we men tend to do is, when we listen to women, we misunderstand and think they’re raising a problem. Listen, women basically complain a lot. Why? Because they’re weak to stress. They’re very vulnerable to anxiety and fear, so when something bad happens, they want to detoxify by getting it out. So, think of women’s complaining as an unavoidable part of their makeup. Saying "Complaining is a sign of weakness" is like leaving it to Saigo Takamori of the Samurai Spirit. Let women complain. So, we need to let them detoxify, but here’s the thing: men are problem-solving hunters by nature. We’re like, "What are we gonna do about this?" We’re like doctors, always ready to write a prescription. So, she’s telling me about something that happened, right? And I’m like, "Oh, that happened? Okay, I got it. How about you try this and that?" You know, trying to offer a solution with good intentions. But then she blows up. "That’s not the point!" or "You don’t understand how I feel!" She just slipped and fell on the stairs, for crying out loud. And I’m like, "Maybe you shouldn’t run?" After asking about the situation, like, "What were the stairs like?" and finding out, "They were wet from the rain," I say, "They were wet? Maybe you shouldn’t run?" And she’s like, "Well, I was in a hurry." So I suggest, "Maybe you should leave earlier next time?" And she goes, "Enough!" She just wanted me to understand that it hurt when she fell. I’m like, "I get it. I understand the situation. I get the logic." "You fell, right? You fell because of the rain? It’s a simple story, I understand. I get it." And she’s like, "That’s not the point!" So I ask, "Well, what did you do?" We were having a conversation, but it’s not about understanding the logic of the story. She wanted me to say, "That must have hurt. You fell and it hurt, so of course it hurt." Even if I try to help by looking up a good doctor on my phone and saying, "This doctor is great, you should go right now," she’s not happy at all. I’m like, "This is not the time for talking, just go!" But she’s still not happy. She’s not looking for a solution, it’s unbelievable. All she wants is empathy. She wants me to say, "That must have hurt. Oh my god, it was raining? That’s crazy!" Okay, maybe not crazy, rain does happen, but she wants me to be completely on her side. Empathy means saying, "It hurt, and it was the rain’s fault. It’s someone else’s fault. Ouch, ouch, ouch," and agreeing with her. That’s what’s important. Most men fail to do this and instead offer mysterious advice, which just makes women angry. Yes, you absolutely cannot give advice in this situation. Of course, this can happen between men or between women too. When you study listening skills, you learn that giving unsolicited advice instead of empathizing can create a rift. This happens a lot. While I’m smugly giving my unsolicited advice, she’s ready to throw a right hook. That’s the situation we find ourselves in. So, here’s the deal: no matter what a woman says to you, empathize with her. Some of you might be thinking, "But I can’t empathize with everything!" Well, then lie. Let’s be honest here. Empathy trumps honesty. It’s the top priority. Total Concentration Breathing for total affirmation is the only way to survive. With that level of vigilance, empathize with every word a woman says. Got it? You don’t need to do anything else but empathize. No one’s asking for your opinion. You don’t even need to be honest. Lie. Be a liar. The Liar Game has begun. The biggest Liar Game of our lives has started, and it will continue for decades until we’re in our coffins. It’s the gentle lie of continuous empathy. That’s it. But then comes the next challenge. You might be thinking, "Wait a minute, are you telling me to be a yes-man to everything? Where’s my male pride?" Calm down, we haven’t solved the problem yet. Let’s move on to the second biggest desire. It’s this: "Read my mind." Impossible. This desire crushes our hopes of maybe being able to handle the first desire with a lot of effort. It’s the "Read my mind" desire. Here’s why this happens: women have incredibly high perception skills. It’s like the woman’s intuition I mentioned earlier. They notice the tiniest differences in their surroundings. "Huh? What’s that?" "She changed her hairstyle." "He looks troubled." "She’s panicking." "The baby seems a little uncomfortable." "The kid spilled something." They notice everything. And while they’re doing all that, they’re also anticipating what needs to be done. They can read the room. "Oh, she wants to do this next, so I’ll do that. He wants to do this, so I’ll do that." They want you to anticipate their needs because they can do it themselves. But from a woman’s perspective, men are basically standing still. Dude, I’m totally screwed, like Kakyoin after Dio got to him. I’m completely paralyzed, can’t do a damn thing. It’s like someone’s yelling "Move!", but I just can’t. And now we’re getting knives thrown at us, a whole bunch of them. It’s The World all over again, and we can’t even scream. Yeah, it’s like they’re always saying, "Why can’t you guys just do it?" They get all pissed off when we don’t understand what they want. And when we say, "Just tell us what to do," that’s when they really lose it. It’s like we’re saying, "I’ll do it if you tell me to," but that’s just creating more work for them. It’s like we’re a Roomba or ChatGPT-4, needing instructions to do anything. We’re not Omni, people. We need to think for ourselves and take initiative. It’s not like we’re robots or something. We’re human beings, but sometimes it feels like we’re not even on the same wavelength. Man, yeah, we’re men. Maybe not gentlemen, but we’re definitely men. And as men, sometimes we just don’t get it. Honestly, it’s like we’re Krillin watching Goku and Vegeta fight. We’re just standing there, trembling, saying, "Uh…uh…" as the women exchange subtle cues and gestures. We really wish you ladies would just tell us what to do. I know it’s asking a lot, butthis isn’t a video for women. Remember, this is for men. We want you to understand us, but we also know it’s not that easy. So, this is our training ground. We’ll get there eventually. In Hunter x Hunter terms, we need to use "Gyo." We need to focus, concentrate all our energy on observing women, and try to figure out what they want us to do. That’s the key here. The reason is simple: women measure love by our ability to read between the lines. This is the Hunter Exam we’ve been facing all along. We’ve been working on our looks, mental toughness, muscles, studies, careers, and finances. But guess what? None of that really matters in the grand scheme of things. What women truly value is our ability to understand their needs without them having to spell it out. "If you can’t do that, it means you’re not interested in me. Thanks, but no thanks. You’re not the one. Come on, Prince Charming, where are you? I’m shivering with anticipation." They’re asking us, "What’s wrong? What happened? What’s going on? Why are you putting me through this bizarre test of your psychic abilities?" They’re testing our love with this weird, never-before-seen psychic exam. It’s all about reading their minds, man. It’s like, "Hey, I’ve seen this before. This is like that ESP card game." You know, where kids with psychic powers try to guess which card you’re holding, the ones with stars, waves, and hearts. And if you’re good, they say, "You’ve got the gift," and whisk you away to some Akira-like facility. Then they’re all like, "Akira has arrived," and you start bending walls with your mind. But no, this is different. Women have this innate ability to read between the lines, and men, well, we don’t. So, we need to train ourselves. We need to go all-in on understanding what they want. It’s like, "Ah, I get it now." We need to bring our focus back to the present moment, to the few meters around us, and constantly ask ourselves, "What does she want me to do next?" Don’t just zone out. It could be anything: "Carry this for everyone," "Serve the food," "Get the diapers," "Make a reservation." It’s a lot, it’s tough, and it doesn’t matter how high up the corporate ladder you are. We’re all trainees in this never-ending psychic training camp, learning the art of "reading between the lines." And they’re always like, "What? What are you talking about? What are you doing?" We’re clueless. So, guys, we need to work on this. We need to understand what they want without them having to tell us. We can’t just ask, it’s like we’re back in the golden age of Kinichi Hagimoto. "Kin-chan, what should I do?" "You can’t ask, you have to improvise." It’s like they’re telling us to come up with a joke on the spot. "What would you do in this situation?" "Uh, what am I supposed to do?" "You can’t ask, just do something." It’s like a tough French chef who never gives you any instructions, you just have to steal the soup recipe by observing. And there’s a third biggest desire. We’re all bleeding from our ears at this point, but guys, don’t you dare close this video. If you do, it’s over. Have you ever seen a video that threatens you like this? "Close this video, and it’s all over." Are you going to give up here? If you close this video, you’ll never, ever, understand the opposite sex. You have no choice but to watch this video until the end. There’s no other way for men to survive this. Watch the video, put it into practice, that’s it. That’s the only way to become a master. You got this. The third thing women want is: "Appreciation". And let me tell you, this is our line. After hearing points one and two, we’re sweating bullets, thinking, "We’re running a marathon here, and we just reached the water station." But instead of getting a drink, we’re met with someone who’s even thirstier than us. We’re the ones who need the refreshment! We’ve been running like crazy, and we need to hydrate. So ladies want appreciation. We’re sorry, but men are terrible at giving compliments. This is because we have a hunter-like brain, which makes us good at spatial awareness. We’re great at understanding large spaces. For example, we’re better at reading maps. Remember that book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"? Men are better at spatial reasoning. It’s like we have a long-range stand, you know? Another feature of the male brain is our ability to integrate tools as extensions of our bodies. We can think of tools as part of ourselves. It might sound weird, but men are obsessed with cars, right? We’re always talking about which car is better, which car we want. Women might think we’re crazy, Women are like, "Are you kidding me? Can’t you just get a car that’s good for the kids? A safe, affordable one would be fine." but it’s because we see cars as an extension of ourselves. Choosing a car is like choosing an identity. It’s different from women’s fashion, where you can mix and match outfits. With cars, you usually only have one, so we choose it very carefully because we see it as part of our bodies. This is evident in robot anime, where boys pilot giant robots. They want to pilot these robots because they can perceive them as extensions of their bodies. The same goes for watches, especially expensive mechanical watches. By wearing a watch, we can see it as part of our bodies. We feel joy when the watch is expensive, durable, or has a story behind it. The same goes for guitars, motorcycles, and cars. They’re all extensions of our bodies. And when we see our wives as part of our bodies, we’re more likely to see them as staff than someone to appreciate. Men see their wives as part of themselves. In a way, this is a good thing, because it means they consider them indispensable. That’s why men who lose their wives are hit so hard. It’s like losing a part of themselves. They wonder why their wives don’t pamper them like they used to. This is the gap. Men think, "I don’t need to pamper you anymore, you’re part of me now," while women think, "You still need to pamper me." Women, on the other hand, don’t have this strong body extension function. For them, things are things, and they are themselves. They don’t see themselves as one with their husbands. And on top of that, they have four times the anxiety of men. They wonder, "If we’re not the same, why don’t you appreciate me?" This leads to four times the anxiety. They need to be appreciated but don’t feel appreciated. So, men need to drill this into their brains and appreciate their wives frequently. This high frequency is key. Some say the effect only lasts about three hours. From a man’s perspective, we might think it’s enough to appreciate our wives once every three years, or maybe once a year on their birthday. But that’s not even close. The correct answer is every three hours. It’s like protein for bodybuilders. It’s meal, meal, protein, meal, protein, like someone who’s bulking up. Think of appreciation as protein, an essential nutrient for women. "Thank you," "You’re cute," "You look lovely," "I appreciate you," "You’re a lifesaver." Say these things every three hours. I can feel my breathing getting heavier. This mission is more demanding than we thought. Let’s recap. The three things women want are empathy, understanding, and appreciation. "They want empathy all the time. Anything other than ‘yes’ is unacceptable." "Yes, sir!" "We won’t give you instructions. You have to figure it out." "Yes, sir!" "Appreciate them every three hours." "Yes, sir!" This is the most terrifying spy training camp ever. It’s like Kingsman, right? Any order, always say yes. "Yes, sir!" No mission details, figure it out yourself. "Yes, sir!" Appreciate every three hours. "Yes, sir!" It’s impossible! But those who accomplish these three tasks are called Prince Charming. Girls are waiting for this incredible hero who can fulfill these three conditions. How can we achieve these three principles? What kind of crisis will occur if we fail? We’ll explore practical applications in everyday life in the next episode. NEXT VIDEO: No matter how many times you’re reminded, apologize. Gentlemen, home is not a sweet home. Home is your most important client. They want proof of your love, even when you’re away on business trips. Unreasonableness is love.

【動画目次】
00:00 OP
02:56 理不尽な女心
05:05 原因
16:21 女性脳三大欲求
37:39 次回予告

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この動画の参考文献：
「妻のトリセツ」 黒川伊保子（講談社）
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